Immortal Quotations from MST3K

Season Eight

801: The Revenge of the Creature

802: Leech Woman

803: The Mole People

Mike
This turns out to be the correct theory.
Mike
Ah, well that narrows it down.
Mike
Watch, they'll get crushed by a giant dog chasing a frisbee.
Tom
No, thanks, just had one!
Crow
Avalanche footage! Run!
Mike
If found, please return to torso.
Mike
Why thank y-- oh, you mean the flashlight.
Mike
Aw geez, who forgot to clean out the last sacrifice?
Crow
A flashlight. Now all we need is a tent, some s'mores, and … some … outside.
All [march-chanting]
I left my wife and forty-nine kids on the verge of starvation with only one hamburger left -- er left -- left, right, left.

804: The Deadly Mantis

Tom
Not even our strip Risk?
Mike
Yeah, and a rabbit can go Mach five.
Crow
Well, he's deadly but he's parked in a yellow zone.

805: The Thing that Couldn't Die

Crow
Why can't I just bend spoons with my mind like everybody else?
Mike
There's no trade rat, but there is a skilled artisan rat.
Tom
He's a geometrical savant.
Mike
Help, I rolled off the shelf.
Crow
Y'know, the head must have read that “get girls through hypnotism” ad in Penthouse.
Mike
Crow?
Crow

806: The Undead

Crow
Oh, you're supposed to study?
Tom
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Crow
That's a lot of money back now.
Tom
Oh, and by the way, sleep!
Crow
I think about myself -- no, wait.
Tom
My glasses popped on!
Crow
Am I not Devo?
Tom
Pulleth thy vehicle over to the curb and showeth thee thy driver's license and registration. Doth thou knoweth how fast thou was driving?
Mike
Satan Pan.
Mike
This is one tough spelling bee.
Crow
Route 666.

807: Terror from the Year 5000!

Mike
Are you ready for terror?
Mike
Well there's no need to lash out.
Crow
Love, Mom.
Mike
Do you have cartoon music playing in your head too?
Crow
Yeah 'cause I was wondering about that extra arm on my back.
Mike
Drive not ready. Abort, retry, fail?
Tom
Unrecoverable disk error. Data may be lost.
Crow
I'm sorry, sir, we only have Bonnie and Clyde's death car left, but we'll just charge you for a compact.
Mike
Sorry, I've got a really old Johnson here. And, the motor doesn't work either. (Thank you!)
Mike
Trying to melt a cow.
Tom
I'll just put on his pants then.
Tom
Oh, hi Dave! …
Crow
… I'm not Dave, I'm a simple fern.
Tom
I think he's trying to skip suitcases.
Mike
Just drinking some chiggers.
Crow
Lick … me.
Tom
Well, I am sitting on his hand.
Mike
Blacked out in my area? I don't think so.
Crow
Finish your tanning session, lady.
Crow
He wears Chanel Number 5-W-30.
Crow
Filmed in glorious black and slightly-less-black.
Mike
Be vewy qwiet. We're hunting isotopes. Ehehehe.
Tom
'Cause it's noon.
Crow
Anyway, I'm gonna dump the ice princess. I mean, we've never had a single satisfying sexual encounter that I -- wha -- waughh!
Crow
Pencils, cheese, batteries, what?
Mike
And don't bob for French Fries.

808: The She Creature

Mike
They killed Savage Pier.
Tom
Soul Transmigration!
Tom
Yes, King. I will kill him.

809: I Was a Teenage Werewolf

Crow
A werewolf is a herbivore. Luckily, this guy's name is Herb.

810: Giant Spider Invasion

TV-PG (D).

Tom
We can do that.
Tom
I don't know how, but I just became sterile.
Crow
Moses, move the bike!
Crow
Want a piece of milk?
Tom
123 … 124 … 125 …
Gypsy
Close your eyes,
Go to sleep,
Be absorbed by the collective.…
Crow
Divide by ten in minutes! Add up to three columns in an hour.
Crow
Snap, crackle, poop.
Mike
Let's go down to Dutch's for some meatloaf.
Mike
Maybe they're round arrowheads.
Mike
I made a R.
Crow
Pudding!
Crow
Whee!
Crow
I need a new pillow … and bed … house … husband … life.
Crow
Ah, music budget ran out.
Tom
Sir, you offend me.
Mike
Goodbye, Dave.
Mike
Hey, wanna make some crop circles while we're here?
All
Packers!
Tom
Oh, here comes a Duke of Hazzard.
Mike
Wait a minute! We can't hunt. We're not drunk enough yet.
Crow
Honey, I'm home.

811: parts: the clonus horror

Darlene
We're om-nipple-tent.
Mike
Buh-link.
Crow
Ah, have some sun my little friend.
Crow
It says, "Please help me down from this tree."
Mike
Guess I'd better go a little easier next time.
Crow
I thought it was skin cream, but it was Elmer's Glue.
Mike
He's not done; the poker didn't come out clean.

812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies

Tom
C'mon, world, pull my finger!
Crow
That thing corners like a river barge.

813: Jack Frost

Mike
C'mon, I wanna reproduce again.
Crow
Arsenic sucker, that should do it.
Crow
Mmmm, liver on a stick.
Crow
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast Chicken.
Crow
Touch any part of this rock for more information.
Crow
Chernobyl's exploding again! Let's go watch!
Tom
Hornets don't make honey … I found out the hard way.
Tom
I get more than you, and I've been neutered.
Crow
Quick, give them Dutch Elm disease.
Tom
Oh, a hockey game breaks out.

814: Riding with Death

Crow
Well, there's no meat on it, Mike; I'm made of molybdenum.
Crow
He hit a unicyclist.
Crow
This is Sam. I am.
Crow
Be vewy qwiet. We're hunting twipowidene.
Crow
Comin' up on your mudflaps. People have such cute names for sex.
Tom
Smurf urine.
Mike
Yup. Married to a sheep.
Mike [singing]
America for Americans. Let's send all the Indians back to Africa.
Crow
Et tu, Billy Bob.
Crow
I got a lacerated kidney!
Tom
They should drive into the highest population of race fans they can find. That would muffle the explosion.
Mike
Hey, you need a jump by chance?
Tom
Listening to him is like flossing with a razor blade.

815: Agent for H.A.R.M.

Mike
Mom, I found a really big feather!
Mike
I hate the outside. Screw you, outside!
Mike
T.G.I. Friday's on the beach.
Mike
Can I offer you a lab rat or …
Mike
But I--I made myself clear that I wouldn't leave and stuff.
Mike
Let me come over there, be there in a moment, hold on … almost there, okay.
Mike
It might be one of my associates that calls you because my body was just scissored in half.
Mike
Well, they're out of fumar, now what do we do?
Mike
And quit going around being a woman.
Mike
By the way, uh, we are going to be sexual partners, right?
Mike
I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.
Crow
Then I put my tongue in the outlet. That did the trick.
Crow
Yes, and yes.
Crow
I will not speak until I am all the way in.
Crow
Yeah, you're kinda in the way of the door there, yeah, there we go.
Crow
Watch me open the hell out of this door.
Crow
Let's see, just cut here, staple this to this, take a little off here.…
Tom
Therefore I will now expound on the basic premise of life.
Tom
Ooh, I just realized how hungry I am.
Tom
I still have the receipt.
Tom
So, Mr. Metal Cabinet, we meet again.

816: Prince of Space

TV-PG.

Tom
No, because I loathe you.
Mike
I'll do it.
Crow
C'mon slave labor -- I mean kids, kids.
Mike
A blast in east Bedrock claimed the lives of Frederick R. Flintstone and Barnabus Rubble today.

817: Horror of Party Beach

Tom
Look! A huge distracting thing! Woop!
Tom
Woop, turned grey.
Crow
Oh, it's an Exxon training film.
Crow
Two hundred million flushes.
Crow
Great, I'm dead, and I'm breaking out.
Crow
Oh, I know how it is though. First thing in the morning I like to move a big log too.
Mike
Hey, in the back there: Drew Carey.
Tom
Hey, zipper butt. Easy access, freshness dated.
Tom
Pickin' their nose and chewin' it, chewin' it, chewin' …
Mike
We can't get this beer open.
Crow
My skull!
Mike
Could you guys make a loop of this and show it for about thirty hours?
Tom
Sniper!
Mike
Too bad he's an undertaker.
Tom
President orders monsters back to work.
Tom
Beef. It's what's for movie sign.
Crow
… Bop.
Tom
I'd say something, but the guy who dubs me is on break.
Tom
Look out! Ted Kennedy's driving home!
Mike
They're AA and Triple-A.
Mike
The monsters win the pennant! The monsters win the pennant! The monsters win the pennant!

818: Devil Doll

Mike
I think I'll have a vodka sandwich.

819: Invasion of the Neptune Men

TV-PG.

Crow
Strange way to dry your bowls.
All
Hahahahaha, your costume is ridiculous.
Crow
Say, has anyone seen my record?
Tom
Legalize it.
Crow
What times are it?
Tom
It's over two hundred mA's.
Tom
That means lunch won't be 'til yesterday.
Crow
Mike, I'm gonna get a stepladder so you can jump up my butt.
Mike
At least panic in your pre-designated subgroups.
Crow
You didn't say Shields up, please, sir.

820: Space Mutiny

Crow
Yeah, I miss complaining already.
Mike
Uh-oh, an air show. Look out below!
Tom
Oh, and uh, by the way, ladies, there's a ferret cage by the wall if you need it.
Mike
Okay, look alive everybody! Oh, sorry Susan.
Mike
You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to miss.
Mike
Woohoo, we got ISO9001 certified!
Mike
Super-intelligent dandelion seeds.
Mike
You stupid food lovers.
Mike
Please don't use those stairs.
Tom
Oh, no, the methane! How are they gonna fill their cows now?
Tom
Can I borrow a cup of sex?
Crow
Put your helmet on. We'll be reaching speeds of three.
Crow
We need both horsepowers on this thing.
Crow
Actually, she thinks the truth very loudly.
Crow
He's gonna have so much sex with your daughter.
Crow
Ow, my mask.

821: Time Chasers

TV-PG (V).

Tom
You've got mail … pattern baldness.
Mike
Come to Martin's. What up?
Crow
No, I'm saying, "Make me dinner!"
[On a sign]
Do you have cheese?
Crow
Um, should the sky have trees and houses and be rushing right towards us?
Tom
Hey, that moss has taken a lichen to that tree.
Crow
General Washington's plane has landed.
Crow
I'm welcome.
Mike
Come into the light!
Tom
One.
Crow
Forty-seven Keebler elves were killed today when a light plane plunged into their tree …
Mike
… E.L. Fudge remains in critical condition.
Mike
Demo button on little keyboard hit by …

822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

TV-PG (D).

Crow
Huh. Must be Christmas on the Borg ship.
Mike
Clara Barton's getaway car.
Tom
Because it's fly soup, sir, that's why.
Tom
Whoa, I wanna work in data entry.
Tom
Well, I'm actually size-doesn't-matter boy.
Tom
Here's looking at you …biquitous.
Crow
His lava lamp's outta control.

Last updated $Date: 2012/01/03 07:05:12 $.